Just because you’re a stay-at-home mom or the main caretaker of the home does not make you a homemaker. Just like many things, it’s a mindset, it’s what you do, it’s what you try to achieve or create that makes you a homemaker. Just because you’re home doesn’t mean you take ownership of that role. I was home full-time for about 9 months before a realization hit me that made me take ownership of the role of a homemaker. I had to change my mindset around being home to really grow and become the stay-at-home wife and mother I wanted to be. You don’t come by that by accident, it takes intentional growth to be better and do better, in whatever way you want to grow. You don’t just become the wife and mother that you want to be overnight. You have to recognize your weak areas, your faults, and your sins. Knowing your weaknesses, you then have to decide to do your best to be better than who you were yesterday. Even if it’s just a little bit, every little step forward counts!
A difficult job
What surprises me sometimes about women, is so many rant and complain about how hard taking care of children and the home is, about how it’s equivalent to the work of a full-time job, or that more people should consider it like a full-time job, but then they don’t treat their role with the level of respect you would give a job outside the home. Would you show up to your job in your pajamas? Would you not at least put in some minimal effort to stay organized on things that need to be done, or in an organized way delegate some work to the employees (in this case children!) you oversee? This is the mindset shift that made me think about homemaking differently and snowballed the small changes I’ve made to try and do this job better. Because it is a job! A difficult one at that, and the employees you’re responsible for aren’t the most qualified and knowledgable yet. Running a home is like running a business, so why aren’t we treating it like one?
Baby steps
As I was pulling myself out of the newborn survival fog and learning how to take care of a home as well as take care of a baby, it was this mindset change that really helped me take hold of the opportunity I was given. Just because I’m home all day doesn’t mean I can just lay around in pajamas all day, my husband wasn’t providing for me so I wouldn’t put in my fair share of the work. He had a job and I had a job, and I had to take that seriously if I wanted to be good at it. And I desperately wanted to be good at it! I know there are many brand new homemakers out there struggling with certain aspects of homemaking, and a contributing factor could be you’re still just learning how to do it and you’re not good at it yet. Starting a new job is a daunting task, let alone one as all-encompassing as homemaking and raising children is, it’s not going to be fun or easy at first. And with as wild as a job as this is, there will always be some days where you just do your best to survive, and try again tomorrow. It certainly hasn’t been a walk in the park for me. But with practicing, and the baby steps and small goals I’ve set for myself, certain things get easier and by extension even more fun by the week. When you change your mindset, to own your work in the home as a homemaker, you’re not going to be magically good at it and a master of all the trades of your job in a week. Things take time, it takes time to learn and grow, and to become proficient. It’s important to be patient with yourself while you’re on this journey and learning as you go, but the very first step to all of that is deciding to take your role seriously.
Small simple changes make for lifelong habits
When you first start thinking of ways you can grow and change or start doing things differently in the home, it can be easy to start running in five directions at once. You are often charged with the excitement after all. You’re a homemaker now, with new domains to conquer, new skills to learn or perfect, but I urge you not to get lost in the excitement and the need to do all of the things at once! The entire reason I feel I have been successful in the changes I have made in how I run my home is that I have made small changes, almost one at a time, and stuck with them as best I could. One of the best things I think you can lay down at the beginning of your homemaking journey is habits, like cleaning habits, cooking habits, routines with your children, or habits for spending intentional time with your spouse. Habits are one of those great things that are incredibly hard to create sometimes, but once you have them they’re worth more than gold. They’re the ultimate gift for future you because once you have formed habits, it’s so much easier to follow through with them. All the mental leg work has been taken care of, and your body and your mind just follows through. I started the small and simple habit of washing the dishes after every meal. And I mean every meal! Doesn’t matter what we’re having, there is a clean sink within half an hour generally of finishing a meal. We use real dishes 99% of the time too, so it’s not like I’m just washing silverware either. Once Rachel started eating consistent meals, I was becoming overwhelmed with the dishes. But I also really wanted to keep the habit of using real dishes for meals too, so some habits had to be formed to deal with that. Was it absolute drudgery the first month or two? Absolutely. But now it’s almost muscle memory to wash dishes right after a meal. I almost automatically start cleaning up once we’ve all finished eating. It doesn’t feel right anymore to just leave them! It’s incredible how easily I just slipped that into my routine and that it feels so natural now. There’s usually no urge to put it off just because I don’t want to do it now, just a muscle memory of wanting a clean sink as soon as possible! It’s taken so much stress off of making breakfasts in the morning in particular. It’s a beautiful feeling to be able to get up and have a perfectly clean kitchen to cook in first thing in the morning. That’s another small habit I’m starting to work on implementing as well, the concept of putting your kitchen to bed. While I am definitely halfway doing that with washing the dishes, I’m trying to start including the table and the rest of the house in that as well. We live in a tiny house so the table can quickly become cluttered to the brim if we let it. I’m hoping I can get better at tidying the whole kitchen in the evening, and put it to bed so I can wake up to peace and order and focus on cooking breakfast. That’s a much nicer way to start the day, instead of having to clean up the disaster from the night before and then cooking on top of it! It’s small routines like that that can just make things run so much smoother. Would it be awesome to nail down an entire house cleaning schedule or meal plan for two months' worth of meals? Yes. Is that hard and overwhelming if you’re starting from absolute zero? Yes. So be kind to yourself, start with baby steps, start with small habits and small changes. You’re much more likely to be successful in creating lifelong and sustainable habits that way. So put your kitchen to bed consistently first, or meal plan for a week, or get your laundry schedule under control, before you start revolutionizing the running of your entire home.
At the same time, it’s important to realize that none of these small, simple changes in the running of your home will likely be possible if you don’t start taking your job in the home seriously. Why change or improve after all if you haven't decided you want to become better? I don’t think women realize the power they have over their homes sometimes! Even if you work full-time, our feminine energy is so powerful in the home! We can make our homes a warm and welcoming refuge, or a chaotic disaster filled with wild emotions where everyone has to walk on eggshells around you. That power belongs to women, not men. While they can certainly add to or take away from the general energy of the home, we are still the main influencer if we choose to be. But have you chosen to be? Have you personally decided to make things happen in your home instead of always playing catch up? Have you decided to cultivate a peaceful, and happy environment in your home? It is all within your power to do so. But first, you must decide to change your mindset about your role in the home. Because it is a job, the most important job of all, the job for which all other jobs exist, so make sure you are taking it seriously.